On Why We Celebrate Same Sex Marriage

Back in 2020, we took the decision as a congregation to register with Inclusive Church and write our own statement of inclusion. In doing so, we sought to make clear our commitment to welcoming those who have been marginalised by the church, including those in same sex relationships. Two years later, after a period of prayerful discernment, we voted to take the additional step of registering the building for same sex marriage. This is now our settled position, but we recognise that folk who are new to the church might wonder how we got here. There is a saying that where there are five Baptists there are six opinions, so it would be difficult to speak for everyone. Our collective discernment may have brought us to the same place, but we will have got here by different routes and will tell the story differently, so what follows is a personal reflection from our minister.

It may help to set the scene with some personal context, so I will start by telling you that I come to this conversation as a straight ally, although that wasn't always the case, or at least not the ally part. I had a fairly conservative upbringing in a church where nobody talked much about sex, but we somehow knew that it was only for marriage, and that was only between a man and a woman. I remember wondering at a young age why it mattered whether you fell in love with a man or a woman if they were equal, but I didn't feel I had anywhere to take that question, so I tucked it away and accepted what everyone around me thought.

My uneasiness with what we might call the conservative position resurfaced when I met my husband. I had fallen in love and it was wonderful, and I started to ask why God would deny the same to other people just because they loved someone who was the same gender as them. Not long after this, I started an undergraduate degree in theology, and as part of a module in Christian ethics, there was a section on homosexuality. The teaching took a broad and balanced approach to scripture and theology, and it was through this study and prayerful discernment of the ideas I was reading that I became convinced of a scripturally sound affirming theology.

A more activist approach became important during my training for ministry. Having made my position known, I was placed with a church that was already broadening its ideas of inclusion, and during my time there we registered with Inclusive Church, got involved with an affirming Christian witness at Leeds Pride, and supported the founding of Queer Church Leeds. When it came to entering the settlement process to find my first ministerial position after training, I was clear about my commitment to all forms of inclusion, and this is what drew Stoneygate Baptist Church and I together. The church has long held a broad and inclusive ethos, and we have become louder and prouder about this, recognising that not everyone can take for granted that they are welcome unless we make it really clear.

I said I have become convinced of a scripturally sound affirming theology, but you may be wondering what that means and what it looks like. When it comes to human sexuality, as in most matters of theology, the underlying question is the way we approach the texts and the teaching we have inherited, the foundational assumptions we bring to the presenting issue. I believe that scripture itself tells us that it is not purely or even primarily a historical document or a scientific account or a legal code, but rather a record of people wrestling with what it means to be human and in relationship with God. It is divinely inspired for sure, but it is filtered through human understanding, and inevitably human misunderstanding too. I therefore believe that the Bible is not infallible, and neither are the interpretations of it that have been taught by the church.

(To be clear, I don't think I'm infallible either, and I don't think all interpretations that I reject are malicious. I think for the most part we are all doing our best, and we need to hold what we believe with integrity, but also with enough humility to learn more and better.)

I find myself drawn to the Jewish tradition of midrash, which as I understand it holds that any reading which does not do violence to the text is a valid one, and so invites us to bring our own interpretations and our sanctified imaginations to scripture, and to hold them out for one another to debate and discern. I also find Jesus' promise that the Spirit will lead us into all truth to be hugely significant, because it says to me that God is still speaking and there is still more truth to be led into. Ultimately, I believe that scripture invites us to be part of an ongoing conversation, and our own convictions matter as part of that.

With all of that sitting in the background, for me there are three threads that come together to form a scripturally sound affirming theology. The first is that the passages which have historically been used to condemn homosexuality, sometimes known as the clobber texts, are not clear as they have at times been made out to be. I won't go through every verse now, but "a man shall not lie with a man as with a woman" could simply mean that the earlier rules regarding which women are off limits apply to relationships with other men too. The word "homosexual" did not appear in the Bible until the 1960s, with previous translations using expressions like "those who practice sexual immorality", phrases which are more honest to the ambiguity of the original text and do not explicitly include same sex relationships. And the biblical writers do not seem to have any understanding of sexual orientation, so they blithely dismiss as unnatural what modern science and psychology would now recognise as normal variations in human sexuality. Quite simply, the weight that has been placed on a handful of verses is too much for them to bear, especially when people's lives and loves are at stake.

The second thread is that the Bible rarely speaks with one voice, and there are clear trajectories in scripture which move towards love and liberation. Perhaps most notable is the shift that takes place with regard to slavery. It is codified in the Old Testament, but is rather more begrudgingly accepted as a part of society by the time of the New Testament. The abolitionists of the nineteenth century saw that movement and allowed themselves to be swept along by it, finally realising what Paul meant when he said that "in Christ...there is neither slave nor free". This then gives us a pattern for following the direction of scripture, continuing the journey beyond its pages. Marriage has its own trajectory, moving from a contract between a man and his father-in-law to a far more mutual partnership, and so there is certainly a scriptural basis for rethinking or refining our understanding of it. Perhaps this talk of movement evokes fears of a slippery slope, but a more generous and open approach to sexuality does not mean that anything goes. We can expand the tent without getting rid of it completely. 

The third and final thread is that there are positive principles in scripture which might in fact affirm same sex relationships. Jesus said "by your fruit you shall know them", and Paul tells us that the fruit of the Spirit are love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control. Surely then what matters most in a relationship is the extent to which it bears such fruit, and same sex relationships can produce a harvest like any other. I have rarely seen more love and joy and goodness than when conducting my first same sex wedding. I also note that there is no caveat to the psalmist's declaration that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" or John's insistence that "whoever lives in love lives in God", and my reading of the entirety of scripture leads me to celebrate people living in love as their truest and most wonderful selves. 

And so my position is this: I believe that our differing sexualities are a holy and ordained part of the glorious diversity of creation. I believe that scripture bears witness to a God  who is bigger and kinder than we have understood, and our perspectives on most things need to be bigger and kinder than they have been. And I believe that queer people are blessed and are a blessing, and the church must repent where it has not recognised that. The more I have leant into these beliefs, the more I have seen of the goodness of God. More than anything, I have rejoiced to see people flourish as they have found acceptance in communities of faith, places where they know they are loved and liberated to bring the fullness of who they are and were made to be. May you find such acceptance for yourself, and may you make that space for others.

That has been a whistlestop tour through testimony and theology, but we hope it gives a fair introduction to an affirming viewpoint and might act as a good springboard to ongoing conversation and reflection. If you are interested in a fuller exploration of the biblical texts, bibleandhomosexuality.org is a great resource. For further reading, 'Discerning Inclusion' and 'To Inclusion and Beyond' are both written by other Baptist ministers about their own journeys. If this has got you interested in getting to know an affirming church community, you would be welcome to visit us any time. Or if you are reading this from afar, you can find a church nearer to you by visiting inclusive-church.org.